Posted By: Fèyísìtàn
Abuse is a learned behaviour. It's stemmed from upbringing, parenting, peer pressure, societal influence, associations and/or personal decisions.When you teach your children to lie for you, they will lie to you. Teach them to steal for you, they will steal from you. Those are facts. You can fast and pray 24/7, 365 days of the year for your children, tell them to do the right things but If your actions do not align with the message you're passing to them you'll loose them to the acts they see you perform. Children learn more from what they see and the acts being modeled to them than what they hear.
There are parents who tell their daughters ''men are horrible'' ''men can't be trusted'' ''men are dogs'' ''men will let you down'' etc, there are also parents who tell their sons ''don't trust any woman'' ''don't be faithful to any one woman but don't get caught'' ''big boys don't cry'' ''don't apologise to a woman'' etc
These false doctrines have been passed from generations to generations recreating and breeding different kinds and levels of abusers and broken people imbibing spirits of competition, confusion, segregation, entitlement, inferiority and superiority complex. Then you have broken people producing and raising broken children and then the cycle goes on and on. Some children are actually smarter than their parents. They know the difference between what is right and what is wrong until mummy or daddy begin to control and manipulate their thinking to suit themselves by their actions.
Unfortunately it's still happening till date. Education, exposure, technology and religious activities don't even make it any better. Take God out of the equation and then nothing is left. No wonder it appears too many people are confused about their identity and their responsibilities as men and women and what they should look like or act like or be like.
In order to stay within the scope of the subject, I will give a brief explanation on how some of these ''false doctrines'' (in no particular order) impact on abusive personalities.
Crying is not a sign of weakness, it's an expression of emotion. Emotions if bottled up will lead to an outburst of misplaced anger. A child raised with a ''big boys don't cry'' mentality will only lead to an angry adult or possibly a bully or an abuser because they have mastered the act of not being able to express themselves.
On the issues of trust ''don't trust any man or woman'' mentality, children are being raised to be suspicious and defensive.These acts breed insecurities. An insecure man or woman could fall into two extremes of either putting up a facade or false identity of being tough or controlling and possibly manipulative (superiority complex) to being a totally withdrawn demoralised adult (inferiority complex)
''men are horrible'' '''men are dogs'' ''men will let you down'' ''don't take nonsense from any man'' ..All these lead to gender resentments, segregation and confusion. A child raised with that sort of mentality will be not only be temperamental but will also be utterly disrespectful to any man or woman,young or old
Saying ''please'', ''thank you'' and ''I'm sorry'' shouldn't be difficult. But where children are being raised ''not to apologise to a woman'' or anyone they're being taught not to humble themselves and accept responsibility for their actions. Lack of integrity is being modeled to them. They're being trained to be insensitive to other people's feelings by not showing any sense of remorse or empathy. .
No amount of money spent on gifts can redeem you from an offended partner if genuine repentance or apology does not precede it. If the gift is accepted you'll be loosing their respect. We have generations of men today who still view women as inferior beings. Her place is in the kitchen. She can only be seen but must not be heard. She's there to produce and raise children. ''I'm from the old school, I make all the decisions for us''. There's no wisdom in that.
''Don't be faithful to any one woman but don't get caught'' ..Promoting promiscuity....period!Men and women can be used as tools to satisfy sexual appetite with No commitment to anyone. The result, physical and emotional adultery, fornication, pornography, sexting etc
Add all these up including some other cultural and religious beliefs across the globe, then you'll understand the reason there are many homes suffering from domestic violence. This is where Godly parenting skills come in to play. Raise your children the way they should go so when they grow up they will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
As growing and grown adults you cannot continue to blame your parents for your actions,you make your own choices.
Take for instance a family of two sons and two daughters same parents, same upbringing, father was a drug user, mother was a prostitute. Children all grown up, one son became a drug user, other son was decent and lived a normal life. One daughter became a prostitute, the other daughter was decent and lived a normal life. When asked why,the sons had same reasons..''because dad was a drug user''. The daughters had same reasons..''because mum was a prostitute''. Choices!
I Corinthians 13:11 -'' When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things''. Are you an adult trapped in childish mentality? Food for thought
A gentle reminder to parents and all parents to be...First, children don't remain children forever, They grow up! As you're growing so are they. Secondly, You don't own your children. They're not your possessions. Thirdly, They're not meant to correct the mistakes of your past. They've got their lives and God's divine purpose and destinies to fulfill. It's your responsibility as a parent to be a guard and guide but not a god! Don't become a stumbling block in their lives. They will make their own mistakes and with God on their side, they'll learn from them.
Abusers are often insecure, with low self esteem, possessing a consistent need to conceal their weaknesses. They're quite temperamental and would respond with anger or rage to contrary viewpoints. These are some of the many reasons abusers take out their anger and frustrations on their chosen target. If you have been in an abusive relationship, perhaps you have been blamed for the abuse or feeling exhausted from thinking you can change anyone, except you raised your abuser you cannot take responsibilities for their actions. It's their choice.It is also your choice to either remain a target or to get some help. Abuse will continue as long as you allow it. This is not the time to cry or over spiritualise matters. Faith without works is dead. Seek wise counsel and get some help. Never Give Up on yourself.
#NurturedNotTortured #NoToAbuse#Peaceinourhomes #Peaceinourhearts #NeverGiveUp #GodLovesYou
Thank you for taking the time to visit and read. Please feel free to share,like and comment.
God Bless
With Love
Fèyísìtàn
Please visit: Facebook
Abuse is a learned behaviour. It's stemmed from upbringing, parenting, peer pressure, societal influence, associations and/or personal decisions.When you teach your children to lie for you, they will lie to you. Teach them to steal for you, they will steal from you. Those are facts. You can fast and pray 24/7, 365 days of the year for your children, tell them to do the right things but If your actions do not align with the message you're passing to them you'll loose them to the acts they see you perform. Children learn more from what they see and the acts being modeled to them than what they hear.
There are parents who tell their daughters ''men are horrible'' ''men can't be trusted'' ''men are dogs'' ''men will let you down'' etc, there are also parents who tell their sons ''don't trust any woman'' ''don't be faithful to any one woman but don't get caught'' ''big boys don't cry'' ''don't apologise to a woman'' etc
These false doctrines have been passed from generations to generations recreating and breeding different kinds and levels of abusers and broken people imbibing spirits of competition, confusion, segregation, entitlement, inferiority and superiority complex. Then you have broken people producing and raising broken children and then the cycle goes on and on. Some children are actually smarter than their parents. They know the difference between what is right and what is wrong until mummy or daddy begin to control and manipulate their thinking to suit themselves by their actions.
Unfortunately it's still happening till date. Education, exposure, technology and religious activities don't even make it any better. Take God out of the equation and then nothing is left. No wonder it appears too many people are confused about their identity and their responsibilities as men and women and what they should look like or act like or be like.
In order to stay within the scope of the subject, I will give a brief explanation on how some of these ''false doctrines'' (in no particular order) impact on abusive personalities.
Crying is not a sign of weakness, it's an expression of emotion. Emotions if bottled up will lead to an outburst of misplaced anger. A child raised with a ''big boys don't cry'' mentality will only lead to an angry adult or possibly a bully or an abuser because they have mastered the act of not being able to express themselves.
On the issues of trust ''don't trust any man or woman'' mentality, children are being raised to be suspicious and defensive.These acts breed insecurities. An insecure man or woman could fall into two extremes of either putting up a facade or false identity of being tough or controlling and possibly manipulative (superiority complex) to being a totally withdrawn demoralised adult (inferiority complex)
''men are horrible'' '''men are dogs'' ''men will let you down'' ''don't take nonsense from any man'' ..All these lead to gender resentments, segregation and confusion. A child raised with that sort of mentality will be not only be temperamental but will also be utterly disrespectful to any man or woman,young or old
Saying ''please'', ''thank you'' and ''I'm sorry'' shouldn't be difficult. But where children are being raised ''not to apologise to a woman'' or anyone they're being taught not to humble themselves and accept responsibility for their actions. Lack of integrity is being modeled to them. They're being trained to be insensitive to other people's feelings by not showing any sense of remorse or empathy. .
No amount of money spent on gifts can redeem you from an offended partner if genuine repentance or apology does not precede it. If the gift is accepted you'll be loosing their respect. We have generations of men today who still view women as inferior beings. Her place is in the kitchen. She can only be seen but must not be heard. She's there to produce and raise children. ''I'm from the old school, I make all the decisions for us''. There's no wisdom in that.
''Don't be faithful to any one woman but don't get caught'' ..Promoting promiscuity....period!Men and women can be used as tools to satisfy sexual appetite with No commitment to anyone. The result, physical and emotional adultery, fornication, pornography, sexting etc
Add all these up including some other cultural and religious beliefs across the globe, then you'll understand the reason there are many homes suffering from domestic violence. This is where Godly parenting skills come in to play. Raise your children the way they should go so when they grow up they will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
As growing and grown adults you cannot continue to blame your parents for your actions,you make your own choices.
Take for instance a family of two sons and two daughters same parents, same upbringing, father was a drug user, mother was a prostitute. Children all grown up, one son became a drug user, other son was decent and lived a normal life. One daughter became a prostitute, the other daughter was decent and lived a normal life. When asked why,the sons had same reasons..''because dad was a drug user''. The daughters had same reasons..''because mum was a prostitute''. Choices!
I Corinthians 13:11 -'' When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things''. Are you an adult trapped in childish mentality? Food for thought
A gentle reminder to parents and all parents to be...First, children don't remain children forever, They grow up! As you're growing so are they. Secondly, You don't own your children. They're not your possessions. Thirdly, They're not meant to correct the mistakes of your past. They've got their lives and God's divine purpose and destinies to fulfill. It's your responsibility as a parent to be a guard and guide but not a god! Don't become a stumbling block in their lives. They will make their own mistakes and with God on their side, they'll learn from them.
Abusers are often insecure, with low self esteem, possessing a consistent need to conceal their weaknesses. They're quite temperamental and would respond with anger or rage to contrary viewpoints. These are some of the many reasons abusers take out their anger and frustrations on their chosen target. If you have been in an abusive relationship, perhaps you have been blamed for the abuse or feeling exhausted from thinking you can change anyone, except you raised your abuser you cannot take responsibilities for their actions. It's their choice.It is also your choice to either remain a target or to get some help. Abuse will continue as long as you allow it. This is not the time to cry or over spiritualise matters. Faith without works is dead. Seek wise counsel and get some help. Never Give Up on yourself.
#NurturedNotTortured #NoToAbuse#Peaceinourhomes #Peaceinourhearts #NeverGiveUp #GodLovesYou
Thank you for taking the time to visit and read. Please feel free to share,like and comment.
God Bless
With Love
Fèyísìtàn
Please visit: Facebook
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